WordPress Announces Deathgasp Final Release

“Thank god it’s over,”  sighed millions of  reluctant millennial software engineers, as WordPress self-deprecated itself to a Fungus… with its FINAL  Version I-86.1.

Praised by reviled Internet inventor former US / Soviet Vice President Albert Gore, the once-popular Content Management System formerly known as WordPress today announced it is Calling it Quits in highlights of a private, quiet but $500,000 a plate ceremony released only in a 12-second low quality audio clip on MySpace, hosted and MCd by a mysterious woman who dubiously claimed to be Max Zipperbug’s 1st Jr. High prom date and Drisophila lab partner, whoever the hell that is.

In this Brave new release, the widely rejected block editor that the failing CMS had shoved down the throats of what once were the few web developers on Earth with any self-esteem at all is replaced by absolutely nothing, with the exception of a random font selector that makes it impossible to even read the generated code. The core HTML editor itself is now a Bitcoin operated Turing machine plugin written in Google Glass Visual Basic.

In an unprepared statement, a weeping WordPress $14.99 an hour Executive Board member punched a freelance PC World reporter in the nuts and said with damp eyes,

“It sucks. We’re so proud.”

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