Rock throwing incident outskirts of solar system attracting “looney tunes”

A Meteor large enough to see from Earth just slammed into Jupiter said cbs news a few times recently but the short URL seems to point someplace else now and either that or we just don’t know what we’re doing so we’re trying to let CbS get credit for it but nobody seems to care about this

One eyewitness at a space Observatory station in Area 51 said “I didn’t see nothing”

Local law enforcement on Jupiter issue the statement suggesting that

I would not exactly say that the alleged meteor exactly slammed into the alleged Jupiter here at the station. I was on lunch at the time and I can decidedly say that it did not do any slamming, it fell. Is that okay? Hey there’s not enough mayonnaise on this tuna? Am I going to be on TV? I got bowling tonight.

Already, conspiracy theorists are issuing Wild and totally unfounded claims taking responsibility for the supposed attack. One group calling themselves the

you make me dizzy nee tom jimmy and the shondells cya cover band claimed it their own doing as an act of plutonic Revenge, albeit a bit Goofy

In contrast, a well-known rubber band company suggested that the above statement was a bit of a stretch, or Worse, some kind of joke that just was not even funny and we kind of agree and you probably do too now. We are still trying to confirm the source of that alleged quote as coming from someone simply identified as The Rubberband Man but we’re concerned that they’re merely trying to be the spinners of some fake news, and although is a classic tune often heard they ain’t going to snap that on us as we did just get online yesterday you know what I’m saying?

Other weaker and more ridiculous theories also we’re being floated and though they do not deserve any serious attention because of advertising commitments we’re going to tell you anyway oh, the most ridiculous perhaps this should never be believed because it has no credibility at all being of course that these supposed assault by the Heavenly object formerly known as Pluto was really a distraction wound or a show of force to scare someone back on Earth into dropping any and all gun charges in retail stores across America.

And in Wednesday’s Federal Register we expect to see the phrase

spill in aisle insert Isle identifier here, band as profane and offensive to warm blooded mammals

Also, any mention of human circulatory fluids and any other bodily fluids in relation to in-store spills and cleanup instructions over loudspeakers will now be coded as

Non particular Ventricular icky sticky puddle protential red dye number 2 alert… clear the store immediately except for the self-checkout Lanes, cash discount of 50% on all brand name benzos

#krapchat #meteor #jupiter #thebillpurkins #satire #billpurkinswrites

 

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