elmo machete essay – An Ass Backwards Approach to Taxidermy

stuffing and mounting deceased pet booty vs full frontal big head game

My dog Katie (left), according to an algorithm in an article I found on Google that for no reason I trust 100%, is about 60-65 in dog years. That’s around the age I figure a human would start contemplating their own mortality, so I’ve thought about the fact that I’ll likely live to see my dog die once or twice. I decided that if I could have my way, I’d take her to a taxidermist. I wouldn’t get her stuffed, but I’d take a cue from those crazy rednecks who get deer heads mounted on their walls. Except I would get the back half stuffed and mounted. Lookit that booty. There’s gotta be a guy out there who would do that, right? Legion (right), I don’t know.

When we wondered the calendar date on which Marilyn Monroe was last seen alive on, we wound up here before giving up, feeling sad and slightly guilty, but not so guilty that we stopped looking:

words and phrases we forgot to use included mutt, algorithm, dog years, taxidermist, CrazyRednecks, DeerHeads, StuffedAndMounted, Booty, PetBooty, and MyDogHasANiceAss. no regrets.

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