Coronavirus POOP sheet, coming or going in San Francisco travel tips if your trip’s gonna suck

TRAVEL QUESTIONS 2020, Destination San Francisco…

Travelling to San Francisco soon on a combined working assignment / vacation, (asking for a friend of course) as a freelance journalist covering the 2020 political scene & various candidates’ positions on how in office they plan to rape the general fund & make millions of dollars opportunistically on fear during the Coronavirus crisis. Assume a low budget, so ground zero pavement based defecation is the way to go, i.e. shitting in the street & making gender identification choices based on whatever available consenting partners one might hook up with or be able to afford in lower income bars & shooting galleries during free time. A few questions…
 
1) How long can the Coronavirus live on various genitalia and mucus membranes? Wet and dry, please. Do gas station air blow dryers kill the little critters?
 
2) What alcoholic beverage choices might be best if one expects to be on the giving end of oral sex just before, after, or during perhaps, hmmm, said head? In other words, does the coronavirus thrive in fruity or sugary mixed drinks and or would a good rule be straight shots of high proof? Drinking out of the same straw still a NO NO?
 
3) If hooking up with someone results in an actual overnight / long term relationship, is it safe to share a Neti Pot and or take alternating bites out of a shared Breakfast Burrito, or should split meals be separated prior to mastication?
 
4) In three, four or moreway(s) & daisychains, is it better to be first or last in general on oral and other orificial fluid swaps for the camera? Is there perhaps a sliding scale rule of thumb or fist that can be applied when in a hurry so as not to break the mood?
 
5) Fast food restaurant choices: does the City of SFO publish and enforce guidelines on the absorbency and or anti-bacterial effectiveness of their a) paper napkins that cum (sic) with food b) food wrappers when not enough napkins they NEVER give you enough napkins, right? Should we be making our dining selections based not solely on strict vegan rules but perhaps also whether or not certain condiments (? condom mints? help me out here autocorrect?) say the ketchup or mayo have the highest therapeutic acidic levels? Also, is there red dye # 2 in any of these ketchups? Or does anyone offer a color other than red? You wake up in a daze and see red leaking out of… well, you know.
 
6) Do you know of any Airbnb hostels that offer walk-in foyer meeting lobbies to establish group rates on the fly?
 
Thanks so much. I hope Nancy Pelosi is in town and is willing to be interviewed. So many questions.
 
SANCTUARY!!!
 
Oh, one more, almost forgot. Assuming that brown shoes are best if one is going to walk about in the streets early in the day. is there a GPS map of the City of SFO with the time schedules of the pooper scooper crews? Also, if one steps in it so to speak, and should slip and fall, can you recommend any city-subsidized free legal clinics to sue?
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Finally, here are some nifty tips we found recently to help others with similar travel plans.
 

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