The infectious urban gubernatorial compliant gourmet – pandemic breakfast tips, ideas and hacks for crowds under 500

from the official website of the governnot(sic) of NY State, the hon. Andrew N. TappanZee regarding CORONAVIRUSPUBLIC SAFETYHEALTH

During Novel Coronavirus Briefing, Governor Cuomo Announces New Mass Gatherings Regulations

“Events with 500 or More Individuals in Attendance to Be Cancelled or Postponed… Any Gathering Under 500 Individuals in Attendance Will Be Required to Cut Capacity by 50 Percent…”

Whether or not this is applicable to single bedroom apartments in Boroughs other than Manhattan and Staten Island, krapchat.com is not going there and assumes
don’t ask, don’t tell, likewise if US Citizenship will be taken into account when interpreting the word ‘INDIVIDUALS‘ for anything to do with Federal statutes, such as the Census or any law with the word ILLEGAL anywhere in its text, unless something free is being offered and or something like a get out of jail free card for anyone who can prove they have not filed a tax return. Ever.”

In no particular order because this really isn’t all that funny, we’re just waiting for the panic to die down at the local grocery stores so we can look for maybe some heated K-Y that mighta got knocked onto the wrong shelf, or maybe some organic Irish Butter (for St Patrick’s Day, okay? Pig.)

  • If reusing paper towels because of the toilet paper shortage is in your current bag of tricks, bear in mind that you need to sequence these events on a 1, 2 basis, not to be varied, so as to avoid confusion, infection and or a really greasy butt if you drain your breakfast bacon on said paper towels, especially when dealing with large numbers of people going both numbers 1 and 2, let alone uno dos etc in a bi-multi orĀ  indoor plumbing as a second culture sanitation system.
  • If your face mask is too beyond gooey for comfort, why not use it to wipe once and then set it porous side up with some fruit and or vegetable seeds, or even any leftover chia pet stuff you never know? on a sunny windowsill and get a head start on Spring gardening?

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