An unnamed source, Navy Seal, Furrie, Hair & Makeup Liason Officer, who wished to remain anonymous but suddenly broke out into song and dance announcing
his her their (whew) identification with the great multi-talented and sadly no longer with us great entertainer, the one and only Sammy Davis Jr (who HAPPENED TO HAVE BEEN OF AFRICAN AMERICAN HERITAGE and only had one eye) citing his marvelous hit song:
I Gotta Be Me
NOTE: I and Eye are both Gender non-specific and homonyms.
Anyway, revealed our undisclosed yet bubbling over with enthusiasm confidential source, at this point in the interview deciding that they wanted to be referred to as Sargeant SlaughTay, and subsequently being informed that there was no official rank of Sergeant in the Navy, suddenly broke into tears and demanded some Xanax.
Confusion broke out and suddenly a PA system began blaring out instructions that the premises were to be vacated as the base had been defunded by an executive order just signed by President Biden and as a result our in-depth coverage ends here cuz if I’m not getting paid you guys can all go fu
In a related story, it has been announced that until further notice, Fridays on US military bases will have a relaxed atmosphere and for the time being will be known as
Go to war in your pajamas days.
Optionally, sweatpants may be worn at half staff.