Attention loyal Krapchat readers. There that got rid of most of you. It’s come to our attention but no one so far has bothered to complain that we have stopped satirizing both the New York Times and the Washington Post.

this is because we don’t read them anymore because they keep asking us for a dollar before we can get through the first sentence of their stories. That is if there is more than one sentence in their story usually it’s just a picture and a straight shot to the buck a week. We miss the old days when a guy would just come up to you with a squeegee and a bucket and start washing your windshield. That was only a quarter, and it left the same greasy distasteful distortion of your view as did much of today’s journalism. So. Because we have nothing else to do because we don’t ask anybody for anything because we’ve tried and we don’t get anything anyway we thought it might be fun just to start a GoFundMe that would allow 100 lucky suckers to each pledge one cent a piece to go solely for the purpose of paying for a subscription to either the New York Times or the Washington Post. If we can scrape up a buck for either one we will start reading your stories and beating the ever-loving s*** out of them making them look like the fools that they are, but we’re not going to do it on our dime get it? In exchange though, because we feel guilty taking money from anyone, especially when we look back at the quality of the s*** that we put out for you for losers, what we’re willing to do is in exchange for your donating the one penny that you designate which newspaper should benefit so you’re meaningless little gesture in this frivolous endeavor we’re describing here, what we’re willing to do just to reiterate because we couldn’t figure out where we were in our sense construction and we’re sure as hell not going to scroll back with one finger on this frigging 5-inch screen to try to figure out what the hell we’re trying to say, okay? So just because we’ve nic

Just because we’re nice guys what we’re willing to do is pick up where we left off because we reached our limit of 2,000 characters in a text message send on this phone. What we’re willing to do one more time is to allow you if you donate a penny to this cause your choice of newspapers again, if you donate the penny we will allow you to publish one article on and for that privilege we will only charge you $5. Now this may sound like a horrible scam and that we are insulting your intelligence but we ask you to consider what rolling Stone is doing on the latter half of this deal at least and they’re asking you for 1200 bucks, holy s***. So right now don’t send us any money, we’re just testing the waters do you think this is a good idea or not? You can comment on this article if you want to but we know you won’t. This may be our indication to drop the stupid effort but at least we feel like we’ve written something today. If anybody believes this may be a good idea and we actually think we can raise a couple of bucks I’ve heaven forbid get five bucks out of somebody out there, well great googly moogly we will go for it and actually set up the GoFundMe effort and maybe even spring for an SSL certificate for #krapchat itself and WTF hire a couple of chicks to run a tiktok account for us offshore and/or find a Tijuana hostel and run some kind of Craigslist Airbnb hybrid scam, we’ll get back to you on that one. and hurry on this answer to this one don’t let it sit? We’d really like to see Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill or at least the coverage on it from both sides of the coin.

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